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I did it ! 

I was so excited to recieve my official CITIZENSHIP certificate yesterday! 

I moved to this beautiful country from the UK in November 2005 and I have never looked (or been) back ! When we arrived I had 3 boys aged 11, 9 and almost 1, all 3 boys have their birthdays within 3 weeks of eachother and my youngest celebrated his first birthday 2 days after landing, the other 2 turned 10 and 12 the following week and the week after.  It was surreal to celebrate their birthdays in the summer instead of the good ole UK winter, and we even saw our first Christmas parade in Auckland wearing shorts ! I didnt think i would ever get my head around shorts at Christmas.  Our first Christmas we decided to full out Kiwi and embrace the BBQ... Its was the best Christmas i think i have ever had ... there were no bored children itching to get away from the traditional sit down turkey dinner, everyone was outside plates on laps and grass helping themselves to what ever they wanted and playing in between.  

As the years went by I became more and more in love with the country, its people and its culture.  After 5 years I was eligible for citizen ship and promised myself there and then that I would do it ....... I said this every year for the next 10 yrs, until this year I decided that I really would - and I did :-) ... I couldnt be prouder to hold this in my hands and officially say this is my home, so many things have happened over the last 15 years - I added a daughter to the mix and boy has she mixed it up hehe, I have also been blessed with a grandaughter, who has completely stolen the show and my heart ! and a few weeks ago I started Te Reo lessons...... I am totally out of my comfort zone where languages are concerned, but the girls are amazing and so patient with this old forgetful language phobe hehe and I can't wait to start again after the holidays.

My life here has its ups and downs as does everyones, but I am so blessed and so grateful and could not imagine living life anywhere else ! so heres to the next 15yrs and more in beautiful Aotearoa land of the long white cloud and now oficially home.

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Creating tangiable memories is something I am incredibly passionate about, all too soon our littleones are grown or our elders have passed, and our memories fade.  Family portraits are so precious, they remind us of how we change, who we are and where we came from.  The digital age is upon us and has stolen many years of lost or forgotten moments stored on devices, as we have evolved into picture takers but not photo printers. 

I want to bring back the beauty of Images on our walls, create talking points and empowering our children.  Our young (and not so young) people LOVE to see photographs of themselves pride of place throughout our homes, and it creates a sense of security and belonging.  I aim to put the excitement back into recieving beautiful prints or ready to hang canvases or framed images, that you and your family can enjoy for years to come.

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The cosmos, the universe, life, reality ... what really is it?? 

I often wonder as an adult what it would be like to see the world through the eyes of a child again. I watch my family expand with wives and girlfriends, friends, children and grandchildren, and I am always a little jealous of the wonder the littlest people see in the world.  The imagination and insight into things long forgotten.  A spiderweb is never just a web, and hole in the ground is anything but just a hole, the insects and grass that are examined with such beauty and wonder, and the things we simply brush off or walk past unnoticed, are sometimes the most fascinating of experiences, the textures and depth of nature and the sweet sound of the birds and buzzing of bees, things we simply do not notice any more.

What would happen if you realised all that was and all that could be are far more than we ever imagined??, Is the world we live in really just what we see and what we are taught, or is there much more. Would we be falling into a whole new way of being, or just falling out of the old one?? 

 

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Saving Grace is a series that takes us to the depths of self-discovery.  A representation of women who thought they had lost everything and yet found strength in their weaknesses, and the trauma they thought defined them.  

  

We are never stronger than when we think we are at our weakest. 

Each image has its own defining poem, written by both myself, and my close and amazingly strong and insightful friend Tania. 

  

We hope they bring you strength in yourself & hope beyond despair 

 

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#Grief

Last night grief came to visit.
And gently took my hand.
It knew that I was broken.
As we walked upon the sand.

I glanced beyond my shoulder.
And all that I could see.
Was a pretty world of wonder.
Much better without me.

As I embraced the ocean.
Cold upon it's tip.
I wondered, was I ready.
To make this final trip.

The sunrise that embraced me.
Gently warmed my skin.
I realised it's not over.
But time to re-begin.

From grief's grip I loosened.
It's ever tightening hand.
I stood and faced the sunshine.
Then walked back towards the land.
~ Beverley Ashburner 2020

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Saving Grace
There’s a horror in her heart
It will not let her go
A girl born unwanted
The reason she will never know
She never felt like she belonged
Always searching for a mother
How could she not love her
She learnt to seek comfort from many others
She was never crazy
Just wanting to be belong
To the woman who gave birth to her
A bond that should be strong
She numbed her hurt with alcohol
But it didn’t soothe her soul
Her mask was a smiling fake
She fell into a deep, dark hole
I understand why she ran
She felt trapped and broken
From a man who forced himself upon her
His name remains unspoken
And one day changed everything
A baby she would love with all her heart
She couldn’t wait to meet her
Her baby would know love from the very start
She’s in her middle age now
The hurt of her Mum is still there
Her baby a grown woman now
Their love for each other beyond compare
There’s a fire in her belly
And a smile upon her face
She knows love from lots of people
And her daughter, her saving grace.
~Tania Mckay 2020

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You Don't Know Me

I know you think you know me.
We smile and we have fun.
But you don't ever see me once the day is done.
My bruises are all hidden
From what others want to see
But the sadness will engulf me
the darkness that is me
My sorrow is unspoken
Veiled by a cloke,
My happiness is failing
At times it makes me choke
But in my darkest moments when I think that I am done
I think of something little
And how you point me to the sun.
~Beverley Ashburner 2020
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Have you ever touched the sorrow and danced upon its thread
Have you wondered why the sadness settled in your head

Have you ever felt the fear as you lie there in the night
Wondering if tomorrow will bring some hopeful light

Have you wondered how you happened
upon this endless ledge
Will you plunge into the darkness
Or stay safely on the edge

Do you still hope you will find some light
Within your darkened mind
Do you Still wish for the happiness you wish that you could find

One day I hope a spark of light
Will turn into a glow
And you'll eventually find the path
You'll really want to go

For just before the sunrise
It is the darkest hour
But if you can just hold out for light
You'll find your greatest power.

~ Beverley Ashburner 2020

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